Is It Me? Or Something That Is Happening To Me? The Real Signs of Peri+Menopause Nobody Warned You About

News Flash: It's not personal - it's physiological. You haven't lost your mind. You've lost your hormones. And there's a very big difference.

There comes a moment when you look at yourself and think: What is happening to me? And who have I become? You used to sleep. You used to remember words. You used to have patience. You used to be able to hear your partner breathe without wanting to call the police. And your period? The thing that spent decades arriving with almost military precision has suddenly become a free agent. Early. Late. Heavy. Light. Missing in action. Surprise appearance.

Welcome to perimenopause.

The stage of life where your hormones start behaving like teenagers. Unpredictable, emotional and refusing to tell you where they're going. And the maddening thing is that nobody really warns us. And if they did we weren't listening.

So, What Exactly Is Perimenopause?

Perimenopause is the hormonal transition leading up to menopause. What I like to call the bloody trailer that just won't end. But eventually it does and then a year later Menopause hits.

Menopause is when you've gone 12 consecutive months without a period. But the lead-up, the perimenopause preview can begin years earlier, usually in your 40s, although for some women it starts even earlier.

And it doesn't necessarily arrive with a bugle and waving a little flag saying: HELLO, I'M PERIMENOPAUSE. It can creep in stealth like. A bad night's sleep here. A strange period there. A little anxiety you never used to have. A word you suddenly can't retrieve from your own brain. Then one day you're standing in the kitchen holding your car keys and wondering why you walked into the kitchen.

This is why so many women don't join the dots.

During perimenopause, hormones including estrogen and progesterone can fluctuate significantly. And because these hormones have effects throughout the body, the symptoms can show up in places you would never think to connect to your ovaries. Hormones are king. And Elvis has started leaving the building.

The Early Signs of Perimenopause

Your Periods Go Rogue

For many women, this is one of the first clues. Your once-predictable cycle suddenly decides calendars are optional. Periods may come earlier or later. They can become heavier or lighter. You might skip one and then get another when you least expect it.

Basically, your ovaries have stopped respecting the roster.

Sleep Becomes a Negotiation

You're exhausted all day. And your eyeballs feel like they're rolling around in sand. Exfoliating at every turn.

Then you get into bed and your brain says: Excellent. Now seems like the perfect time to revisit every conversation you've had since 1987.

You may have trouble falling asleep, staying asleep or find yourself wide awake at 3am wondering whether you should reorganise the pantry. Even worse anxiety arrives in the middle of the night. Suddenly worrying is a sport you've mastered.

Sleep disturbance is common during perimenopause and can be influenced by hormonal changes, hot flushes, night sweats and stress. And once your sleep goes, everything else can feel harder.

Your Fuse Gets Shorter

Things that once mildly annoyed you can suddenly feel completely intolerable. The dishwasher being stacked incorrectly. Someone chewing. Someone asking, “What's wrong?” Someone asking again after you've said, “NOTHING.”

Mood changes, irritability, anxiety and feeling emotionally overwhelmed can occur during perimenopause. That doesn't mean every emotion you experience is hormonal. It means hormones may be one piece of a much bigger midlife puzzle - careers, children, relationships, ageing parents and the general administrative burden of being a grown woman.

I call it the midlife demolition. Everything seems to arrive at once.

Hot Flushes and Night Sweats Arrive

Ah yes. The symptoms with a publicist. The ones everybody knows about.

A wave of heat can suddenly move through your body like a thermostat that's been put on full. At night, you may wake up drenched. As my character Effie would say, “I used to be hot - now I'm boiling.” And these symptoms can begin while you're still having periods. You do not need to have reached menopause to experience them.

Your Brain Starts Playing Hide and Seek

You know the word. You KNOW you know the word. It's right there. And… gone.

Names disappear. Concentration can become harder. You walk into rooms and forget why. You lose your train of thought halfway through a sentence. For women who have spent decades being capable, organised and sharp, this can be genuinely frightening.

Brain fog and difficulties with memory and concentration are common during the menopause transition. It doesn't mean you're suddenly less intelligent. It means your brain may simply be navigating a major biological transition while you're still expected to run your life as though absolutely nothing is happening.

Everything Suddenly Annoys You

Your tolerance may change. Noise. Crowds. Questions. People.

For some women, the emotional changes of perimenopause are subtle. For others, they feel like somebody has secretly replaced their easy going, happy, chill personality traits with impatience, fury and outrage.

You become unrecognisable to yourself. Everything is changing. That must be why they call it ‘The Change’.

Your Skin, Hair and Body Start Changing

Suddenly the body you've lived in for decades seems to have received new management.

Skin can become drier or itchier. Hair may thin or change texture. Some women experience acne. Body composition and where fat is stored can change, particularly around the middle. And this can happen even when you haven't dramatically changed how you eat or exercise. Which is even more insulting because at this stage in life we're dealing with enough.

Here are some of the symptoms nobody put in the brochure. Achy joints. Dry eyes. Vaginal dryness. Changes in sexual comfort or libido.

A bestie of mine once confessed, “During sex I feel like I'm being stabbed down there”. Changes like these can occur during the menopause transition.

And vaginal symptoms in particular are something women often endure silently because they feel embarrassed to mention them. Please mention them for vag sakes. Your vagina has been through enough. It doesn't need to suffer quietly as well. There are no badges for a martyr vag.

Palpitations, Headaches and Dizziness Can Happen Too

Some women notice heart palpitations, headaches or dizziness during perimenopause. A Warning: don't automatically blame everything on menopause.

New, severe or worrying symptoms deserve proper medical assessment. Hormones can explain a lot - but they shouldn't become a reason to ignore something that needs investigating.

So Why Didn't Anybody Tell Us?

This is the question that dumbfounds me. It's a taboo subject for no valid reason.

How can something that happens to 100% of 50% of the population remain such a mystery to the people actually experiencing it?

Women arrive at this stage completely unprepared. We Google. We compare symptoms with girlfriends. We wonder whether we're stressed, depressed, exhausted, unwell or simply becoming someone we no longer recognise. And some women seek medical help without their symptoms ever being considered in the context of perimenopause.

Whaaaaaat??? How can that be??

That needs to change. Because women aren't invisible. Menopause is. And the more we talk about it, the less invisible it becomes.

When Should You See a Menopause Doctor?

You do not need to wait until you are completely falling apart. You don't need to wait until your periods stop. And you certainly don't get a medal for suffering.

If symptoms are affecting your sleep, work, relationships, confidence, mental wellbeing or quality of life, that is reason enough to speak to a healthcare professional. There are evidence-based options available.

Depending on your individual circumstances, these may include lifestyle changes, management of specific symptoms and menopausal hormone therapy (MHT). The important thing is getting advice from a clinician who understands this stage of a woman's life and can look at you as a whole person, not just one symptom at a time.

You Deserve Real Answers

This is one of the reasons we created UnPause. I know what it feels like when your body changes and you don't understand why.

I know what it feels like to wonder: Is this me now?

I know what it's like to see a doctor that doesn't know about menopause. And I know the enormous relief that can come when somebody finally joins the dots.

Perimenopause isn't the end of you. It's a transition.

And with the right information, medical care and support, you can understand what is happening to your body and make informed choices about what happens next.

At UnPause, women across Australia can speak with doctors experienced in menopause and midlife women's health via telehealth - because your postcode shouldn't determine whether you can access the care you need. Any woman. Any postcode.

So if you recognise yourself in these words, stop wondering whether you're imagining it. You're not. Your body may simply be asking you to start paying attention.

Ready to find out what's really going on? Book a telehealth consultation with an UnPause doctor and start getting the answers and support you deserve.